America being poor as it is, I bet Greyhound is experiencing a resurgence of riders. No more is it just for the extremely unwashed (that only accounted for maybe 30% of the passengers). It’s not even that cheap, considering that you are paying to get somewhere 3 times as slowly and with accommodations enjoyed mostly in kennels. For 15 hours, you enjoy such games as, how do I get this weirdo to stop falling asleep on me, will this drunk guy vomit or get kicked off the bus first, and which of you is most likely to decapitate your seatmate?
Rules for riding the overnight Greyhound bus:
1. Always bring food with you. Otherwise you might be forced to eat a sandwich you bought at 12AM in Sacramento from a convenience store.
2. While waiting in a bus station after dark, avoid eye contact with strangers. While this may seem unnecessarily defensive, it will save you the time of trying to explain that, no, you are not looking to “hook up” while in line for the bus. But thanks anyways.
3. If your seatmate is writing demonic scriptures to him or herself, it’s bet to avoid engaging them in a vigorous religious debate.
4. Know that you probably will not sleep, so be prepared to arrive in the morning with very little idea of where you are, why you are there or how you got there. [Note: The inability to fall asleep can be counteracted with alcohol or drugs. This will make you a part of the majority of your fellow bus riders. However, this is only advisable if you want to disregard rules 2 and 3].
With these and other tips, you too can enjoy a luxury also shared with such members of society of jail inmates and the criminally insane. For both, the same rules apply: find your best bitch face and sleep with one eye open.
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