An Open Letter

Please note that this is not meant to be an annoying ex-pat moves away and gets all self-righteous. I'm always self-righteous, and I'll be damned if I have to stop just because I jumped borders. I would comment on Canadian politics, but seeing how I'm still learning the provinces (There's a New Brunswick?) and am only barely aware of where I am on a map, I'm gonna hold off.

Dear America,

Hey there, how ya doing? You feeling ok? Yea? Great. Listen, I don't want to get on your case or anything, but I wanted to talk to you. See, I'm up here in Canada, and turns out people outside of the US can watch our news. As a result, I am forced to answer questions that inevitably end up with me signing and saying "listen, I just don't know, ok?" There's only so long I can handle answering questions regarding why Fox News exits (answer: Rupert Murdoch sold ad space to Satan and it grew out of that). So, listen, for my sake so I never have to hear about it again, please fix the following things:

Immigration

As a current, uh, immigration specialist, this issue is close to my heart. Please do not repeal the 14th amendment. I mean, seriously? It was put in place, amongst other reasons, to counteract racism. Somehow it seems in poor form to modify it because of fear of Mexicans, doesn't it? In addition, please please take care of the roaming bands of neo-nazis on the Arizona border. That's just fucking scary.

Glen Beck

He gets a surprising amount of name recognition. That is problematic, as his "logic" is generally on par with the guy who screams at pigeons. Please stop letting him talk.

Glen Beck before makeup.

People Who Should Not Be Running for Public Office

They make for great viral videos. Less so political leaders. And sorry, there's no sweeping these guys under the rug until after the election, what with the youtubes and all...






I still do not believe this guy is for real.


The terrifying slide into Oligrachy

If you are reading this, Bush tax cuts probably did not help you (unless some fancy and rich people read this blog, in which case, please donate to the upkeep fund). You know who makes over 200k a year right now? No one and we all live off stone soup. So getting some more money into the system, say, from people who happened to gain from the recent crises (I'm looking at you, Goldman Sachs) maybe would be a good thing. Then we could use money to buy, ya know, fun stuff. Like health care. And....roads. Maybe put out the tire fires in Detroit.


But please, don't take my word for it. I believe Rush Limbaugh (who for some inexplicably reason is still allowed to speak on multiple forms of media) recently explained that without Capital Gains Taxes, our structure would be much more stable. How stable, you ask? Why, like Chinese factories! So there you have it. Don't worry, sweat shops are the new wave of the future. At least we'll have jobs!

Listen, States, I love you, I really do. So do me a solid and fix this shit so I don't have to hear about it anymore. k, thx, bye.