Now with bonus Randy Newman

Scene: ABC studios, the late 1980's. A group of executives brainstorms for the fall lineup.

Executive #1: Man, ok, listen, ok, I've got it. NBC has Law and Order, we need something different, something fresh and new. How about a...cop drama?

Executive #2 I love it! But wait, we need an edge, something new, and umm...edgy. Yeah. Yeah. Ok. How about a cop show set in space?

Executive #1: Love it, but our budget only allows for use of the old dragnet set.

Executive #2: Hey you know what was popular in the mid 1970's? Musicals! Remember Grease? People fuckin' love musicals.

Executive #1: A cop show as a musical! Brilliant!

Executive #2: Wow, Isn't it great we can do so much coke and still work?!

Born straight out of the 1990, for your viewing please, I present to you, "Cop Rock":




Here's your bonus Randy Newman, singing the theme song from "Cop Rock"

Treated

An Open Letter

Please note that this is not meant to be an annoying ex-pat moves away and gets all self-righteous. I'm always self-righteous, and I'll be damned if I have to stop just because I jumped borders. I would comment on Canadian politics, but seeing how I'm still learning the provinces (There's a New Brunswick?) and am only barely aware of where I am on a map, I'm gonna hold off.

Dear America,

Hey there, how ya doing? You feeling ok? Yea? Great. Listen, I don't want to get on your case or anything, but I wanted to talk to you. See, I'm up here in Canada, and turns out people outside of the US can watch our news. As a result, I am forced to answer questions that inevitably end up with me signing and saying "listen, I just don't know, ok?" There's only so long I can handle answering questions regarding why Fox News exits (answer: Rupert Murdoch sold ad space to Satan and it grew out of that). So, listen, for my sake so I never have to hear about it again, please fix the following things:

Immigration

As a current, uh, immigration specialist, this issue is close to my heart. Please do not repeal the 14th amendment. I mean, seriously? It was put in place, amongst other reasons, to counteract racism. Somehow it seems in poor form to modify it because of fear of Mexicans, doesn't it? In addition, please please take care of the roaming bands of neo-nazis on the Arizona border. That's just fucking scary.

Glen Beck

He gets a surprising amount of name recognition. That is problematic, as his "logic" is generally on par with the guy who screams at pigeons. Please stop letting him talk.

Glen Beck before makeup.

People Who Should Not Be Running for Public Office

They make for great viral videos. Less so political leaders. And sorry, there's no sweeping these guys under the rug until after the election, what with the youtubes and all...






I still do not believe this guy is for real.


The terrifying slide into Oligrachy

If you are reading this, Bush tax cuts probably did not help you (unless some fancy and rich people read this blog, in which case, please donate to the upkeep fund). You know who makes over 200k a year right now? No one and we all live off stone soup. So getting some more money into the system, say, from people who happened to gain from the recent crises (I'm looking at you, Goldman Sachs) maybe would be a good thing. Then we could use money to buy, ya know, fun stuff. Like health care. And....roads. Maybe put out the tire fires in Detroit.


But please, don't take my word for it. I believe Rush Limbaugh (who for some inexplicably reason is still allowed to speak on multiple forms of media) recently explained that without Capital Gains Taxes, our structure would be much more stable. How stable, you ask? Why, like Chinese factories! So there you have it. Don't worry, sweat shops are the new wave of the future. At least we'll have jobs!

Listen, States, I love you, I really do. So do me a solid and fix this shit so I don't have to hear about it anymore. k, thx, bye.

on fait du grabuge

Like so many "artists" before (I use quotes since I'm not really one. Or are you one when you declare it? Does someone else have to say it to make it true?), I am discovering the change in my reality as I move from the system to the outside. I'm no longer part of a collective of full time workers. And despite the obvious pitfalls (such as the ever present threat of destitution and fear of becoming shiftless), this is an incredible feeling. Like a freedom I had forgotten existed.

Freelance means every moment is work. Finding gigs, following up on connections, finding creative ways to use whatever talent you have to keep afloat. All structure is self created.

That said, I am starting to wonder how I'll ever go back to the old life...

'Round Town

Despite the torrential downpour that threatens to drown us all for much of this week, there are two opportunities to come out and see some great music (three if you happen to be living in a retirement community in Cote-Saint-Luc, where we'll be playing some rockin' Klezmer music ). Friday at Grumpys Bar Mind That Bird is playing. This is the first show with the whole band and it's going to be a party. And not just because we get free beer for playing. Or if you can't make that, Saturday Lisa, Dylan and I are playing at Cafe Shaika. So two times, one week. Now you have no excuse.

I've been getting a whirlwind tour of the venues of Montreal. Divan Orange with the amazing Bad Uncle, Sala Rosa for Bamboo Diet's record release (which was so much fun, they're such a tight band)...Les Pas Sage last week (or was it two weeks ago? I have been here for FIVE WEEKS what the what?)...




In an attempt to sell, well, I suppose myself, I have joined *gulp* twitter. I know. I promise to only use it to stalk others and post recaps of the Jersey Shore. You can find me as ari_swan. Creativity, first and foremost.